I have always dreamed of writing a book. I am learning through the whole process of being a writer that I have commitment issues with the written word. For example, I only write with a pencil. When I am jotting notes down in one of my many beloved notebooks it is never in pen. Not a permanent idea on paper, just a penciled in note that can be changed at anytime.
When I signed up on NaNoWriMo's website I made a pseudonym. Just another way to hide. I don't want people to know who I am or that my name is associated with my written words.
Another eye opener for me is when I bought a workbook recently and I was so excited when it came to my doorstep but then I let it sit around for a few days before I wrote in it, with my pencil of course. I was so excited about my writing workbook I went to Pinterest to read quotes about writing to post on my inspiration board. Just an other way I don't commit to the written word. When I spend hours dreaming of writing but not actually writing is a little bothersome to me. I have the time to write but I find myself reading about writing or reading quotes from authors about writing but not actually writing. I might have read more about writing and the process than actually writing.
Maybe this is the hurtle that needs to be jumped. I think I have narrowed it down to fear. The bad guy, the devil on my shoulder is myself. My self doubt, my fears of being judged, my negative thoughts that I am not smart enough or that I don't have a great imagination. I can talk myself out of writing because the idea is not good enough or the character doesn't have a clever name. I let myself be my own enemy.
I need to make a list of all my negative thoughts and just toss them to the wind. Although, maybe I need to do the opposite and list all the things in a positive statement and keep them as a reminder to me to just write without fear. Otherwise I my never write a book worthy of publishing.
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